Oct 18, 2013

Blog 'Weak' : Dil Se

I interned at Hindustan Times, HT City to be precise,  a couple of months ago. It was one of the most exciting and memorable experiences, working there, among wonderful, happy and the most fun lot I ever saw in an office. And I am pretty sure I can write a full length post talking about how and why it was so amazing and who were the people who made it all the more so, but this post is about something else.

While interning, I was, like every intern there, also responsible for working on the Dil Se Column that comes in HT-City each day. It is a medium for people to share their messages with their friends and loved ones. Pretty simple, right? Wrong! While the concept is pretty simple, there's absolutely nothing simple about the messages that you'd see printed in there.


People of Delhi, as it happens, are a curious lot. They can evoke extreme emotions when it comes to expressing their feelings through messages which the whole world can see. From insane laughter to unbounded irritation to pity to murderous resolves, you'd be surprised at your own reactions when you read them. 

Let's try and figure out what they mean by looking at this list of 10 unique messages that I selected. These are exactly as they appeared, with absolutely no editing whatsoever(except for some numbers and dates maybe). Okay, let's start,


Cute eh? 

1- Dis is 4 dose 2 guys wu were standing after d ladies coach in metro on day after yesterday, i wanna tell dem i like u specialy d smart one....CnC

So CnC, am I reading it right when I read 'day after yesterday' or is there a hidden meaning in this, because the last time I checked, there was another word already defined for that phrase. It was something called 'Today'. And, I suppose dem stands for them when pronounced in the accent which Naomie Harris sported in Pirates of the Carribean movies, right?
So umm, let me get this straight. You want to tell both of them, that you like them, but also that you specially like the smart one more? Meaning you want to say this in front of the non-smart one, right? Hmm... splendid!!


2- Hiii this msg is 4 accent car.the g.i.p mall.i m the honda city guy.ur so sweet.i m waiting 4 ur rply.

Hi honda city guy, quick question. Who are you expecting a reply from? The accent car or the g.i.p mall? And no offence, seriously I am absolutely cool with it, you know. I mean I am pretty progressive and I totally understand people falling for cars and malls these days. Just the other day, I read about a man in Japan who married his pillow, in a church. It's possible, totally.
You might want to book a garage maybe, for honeymoon, if everything works out well. You know, how the parking problem is in this city after all.


3- the stenographer of C. R no. XXX of DWK Court. Madam mine want 2 meet U as mine like U very much. Mine the Sikh advocate sitting in court room on 8/X/13. If u remember mine and like mine than reply through Dilse. Urs kstunos.

WOW, you've got a good number of 'mines' in there dude. I seriously hope the stenographer did not burst after reading this message. With happiness of-course.
I don't have much to say here, Mr. kstunos. I just want to read this message again and again. It is...deep, like a mine.


4- hi 
i m 20 years old vers.
looking a top boyfrd
same age nd caring,,,,,,
i m frm east del
any one intrested,.,,
plz reply throw dil se

Lady, don't really want to break your heart here, but ... how are you going to get a 'top' boyfriend at this stage of life. I mean, you are a 20 year old 'version' and 'top' boyfriends are really in demand these days. It's not a competition, it's literally war out there.
Also, it really kills me to tell you that I just yesterday had a look at the 'top' boyfriends list in the newspaper and there wasn't a single person same age as yours, to 'throw' you a reply. (Sighs) Sorry.


5- Hi, baby.. :*
you know main tujhe kinna misshh kalta huin.. I love you like hell.. I know tu bhi mujhshe pyaal kalta hai.. But baby mujhe bohot rona aata hai, bohot bura lagta hai jab tu mujhse baat nahi kalta.. :( i misshh the days i spent with you.. The nights i spent talking to you.. I misshh you, yourhuggiee, ur kisshiiee, your smoocchiiee.. You always say nahh babu m there for you always.. But baby jab i need you tab kahaan hote hoo..??
Main awaaz deta huin baby kahaan hai.. And mujhe koi yehh bolne wala nahi hota babu yeh raha main.. Tele paashh.. ;(;(
Please pehle ki tarah ban jaao.. ;(
i lub yewwhh.. :*
Mmmuuuaaaahhh... :*

:A 30 sec silence: Okay, miss umm ... babu yes err ... :another 30 sec silence, takes deep breaths:
Miss babu, have you ever seen that bournville ad, the new one? If not, you'd know what I wish for you, if you'd just visit here. No wonder you love people like you love hell.
Oh and one more thing, in the second line of your message here, it should be 'mujhe bohot *lona aata hai' and 'mujhe bohot *bula lagta hai'. You're welcome.


6- Hi..um 23
Delhi guy...saw ur msg on may13edition..wanna f'ship wid yu
I m caring subject to hw much yu mean to me
Reply here
007

Hello 007, I didn't know you were a Delhi guy, I always thought you were British, what with the fair skin and the accent. Good God!! And what is this that I see. F'ship? Come on man, this is family newspaper, you can't be so direct. I mean yeah, you've been lonely lately, I understand, what with all that happened with M and all, but still. Hold your horses dude. You know in here, you first have to do GF'ship and then only you go to F'ship.Oh and bro, that condition ... took my heart away. :Stands and claps:

  
7- DeAr KeVIn(curLy h@iR),
I @m cr@zieEe abT yeW t0talLY. YeW RoCk baBieEe. PLz D@te me? I l0vE yeW lyK a l0Ve s0ng baBieEe. mwWaaaAhHhhhh. :*
C0ntaCt mE: crazyXXX-XXXin@gmail.com
-a GaL 4m yEwr s0cIetY.(GueSs wh0? ;) )

Err... whaaa??


8- i am in love with a girl who calls me brother but the worst part is she has a boy friend.but i feel she likes me. whenever i see her or think about her, i completly forget myself. The more i think the more i fall in love. I hope she reads this confession and know how much i like her and want to love her.
Red devil

Whoahohooo!! Dude, ye kya hai?? Okay, I'm going to give you the benefit of doubt and assume that you recently got Bhaizoned, but seriously man, sincere advice, find another girl.


9- Shantanu gaur I love you please propose so I can be with you
Aayushi 10 c

Girls!! :Big Sigh:
Wait, are you in class 10 Aayushi? o.O


10- to prince
teri girlfriend kisi aur ke sath bhaag gayi.
your friend rahul

RESPECT.


- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

P.S: Do leave a comment if you've read 'dil se' before and let me know what you feel about the messages in there. Do leave a comment even if you haven't, you might have a fairly good idea what you'd feel about it by now ;)   

Note: All the messages are published messages and hence does not voilate anyone's privacy. The were taken from the papers a long time ago. 

14 comments:

  1. LOL!!! This post is awesome!
    1. day after yesterday? HAHAHAHA! :P
    2. he seriously liked the car. -_- your comment about honeymooning in a garage :P Improving sense of humor, haan ;)
    3. deep like a mine :P this message went in mine heart you know! :P
    4. version? o.O 'top' boyfriend? o.O I don't want to be associated with this city anymore :O
    5. *shocked silence* *wondering if I really did read such a thing* *wondering if such people exist for real* No offence to anyone, but, but... *speechless* *looks for a bag to start packing*
    6. LOL! :P You double-meaning-finder :P
    7. Excuse me? I just skipped to your 'whaa'. Thank goodness you did not comment on it. :P
    8. poor guy :P
    9. HAHA! HAHAHAH!! :P
    10. LOL!

    God, I like your comments on those messages more than anything! So 'hahah!' :D And dude! This post made me laugh so much!!! *wipes tears haste haste* but I also am horrified. Should I thank my stars I personally don't know anyone who'd write something like this, or should I be apprehensive about the fact that there are people like this out there? No serious offence to pheelings, of course, but there. is. a. way. to. send. messages. -_- *sigh* If only. But then, Dil se wouldn't be just Dil se :P And you dude. *takes off hat in a salaam and bows* I guess you gotta do awesome things as well (guess kya, sorry. I know you did :D ;) ) and that is why you came out of this shock or whatever :P

    *Sits happily after a weird day* *smiling* Thank you. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahaha. Even I was thinking of quitting this town after reading the fifth one. Made me feel that kind of irritated which was earlier reserved for nails scratching on blackboard only. Urghh, I feel uncomfortable just imagining that thing.. :-X

      And yes, the rest were so laughable too. I mean, even though I exploited some typos too, but they were more about what they actually wrote so it's okay :P
      Since it gives us such good reasons to laugh and since I actually enjoyed a lot doing them, I would keep looking forward to them in the future too. And maybe bring another list here :P

      P.S: I am so good at double meanings *that laughing tears emoticon*

      Delete
  2. Hahahahahahaah!!!!! Hillarious :D :D
    I din't know you have this much sense of humour :P ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Really?? Hmm. You need to know me 'closely' ;)

      Delete
  3. HAHAHAHAHA this totally had me in splits! :D Loved your replies Usama!

    Sorry for disappearing for so long :/

    Hugs!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Abinayaaa, sorry for replying so late to each of your comments. :-X :-/ I have been in summer-autumn hibernation. But back now hopefully :)

      Happy to be of service ;) Hugs!!

      Delete
  4. You are awesome! I was waiting for you to do this post!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Aishwarya. I was waiting to get you to read this ;) :P You're awesome too :D

      Delete
  5. Oh god this is hilarious!! :D
    I never knew you could write humor so well. This is totally awesome.
    I had almost forgotten about how mind numbingly idiotic these messages used to be. You just made them sound so much funnier. Brilliant job! ;D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much Saloni. Yeah, I am sometimes good at stuff alien to me too :P

      Yes, the messages can make you puke sometimes, even though I, personally, never found them more stupid than I found them funny, so happiness at posting this :P

      Delete
  6. Hahahaha. Usama, what a brilliant treasure you've compiled here. I remember making fun of these messages way back in school. Itne saalon baad bhi log nahi badle :')

    Also, I used to think you're this sweet little boy who doesn't talk much. What wit and what sarcasm. Subhanallah! :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dilli ke log nahin badalne waali babu moshaai, aur unchaiyon ko chhuenge ye toh apni abhivyakti se saath, aane wale samay mein :P

      And thank you so much for the dil-khol-ke compliments. I feel proud of this post, getting them from you :D

      Delete
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    i like the post very much keep it up
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    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think a period should come between 'very much..' and '..keep it up'. Maybe afterwards too.
      The blog is indeed making a hell lot of difference, thank you. To whom though, I dunnno.

      Thanks for your generous offer of ACs by the way. It is wonderful of you to do that, but I like the heat so I am going to pass :)

      Delete

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